AH! I love that song, and it has really been speaking to me the last couple of days. Natasha Bedingfield really couldn't have said it any better. It's all about today, living in the now and forgetting about the past (the bad stuff, at least. Of course it's okay to remember the good things). I am in such a good mood. I feel like a brand new person and I think it has a lot to do with some of the decisions I made yesterday. I'm so glad I got my feelings down because it gave me some clear insight into what my next few steps should be. And I can honestly say that I made the right choices. And hey, that's a good feeling!
First, I cranked up my Girl Power playlist on Spotify and found some inner strength. Then I broke things off with the girl who has been stringing me along for months now. I don't regret what we had, or giving her ten chances. I learned a lot from my relationship with her. She was my first love, and my first heartbreak. And damn, heartbreak hurts like a mug. But I am pretty regretful of how I allowed her to make me feel about myself. I felt worthless without her. I let the bad feelings slide because when she made me feel good, damn she made me feel good. My confidence and my happiness depended on her- and that is never okay. I have been seeing a lot of good stuff through my Tumblr lately that has spoken to me. A quote that I saw this morning says,
"Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you are in trouble. Because that reason can be taken from you."Isn't that so true?! I mean, can't we just be happy because we woke up this morning? Because it's whatever kind of weather it is outside? Because we have coffee, or good books, or great music, or cute earrings, or cool family, or sweet text messages? I guess at the end of the day, those are reasons too. But they're simple. We're alive and we have the power to do anything- and I intend to do some great things. So I let her go. And I don't think she expected it. I think she assumed that I was going to let her keep messing with my head and come around when it was convenient for her, because that's how it's always been. Well not anymore, boo! And I have to tell you how great it felt when I sent that text message that said, "Goodbye, Madison." I set my phone down and danced around like crazyyy, just knowing that i had finally found that strength in myself. It's a monumental moment!! And even better, I sent a text message to my friends letting them know my decision- and they are all so very supportive. They've known for a while that this was the decision I should have made a long time ago. But they always stuck by my side and were there to let me cry in their laps. And now, no more crying. Only rejoicing! Because Jessica is back, and not only is she back- she is going to be better than ever. SEE YA NEVER, TRICK.
I also made my 'Good Things' jar, which I am very excited about. Doing crafts always helps me to get my mind off of things, and I just love making stuff. So I spent a good hour decorating this jar and doing a few other crafty things. And I've already put two things in my jar! I plan to continue throughout the year, filling the jar with little and big good things that happen to me. I was thinking about keeping a scrapbook of my first year here, as well. Something to think about. But seeing the jar sitting on my dresser just makes me really excited because I intend for it to be full at the end of of the year. And I can't wait to look back and reflect!
My second interview at Target was rescheduled for Wednesday afternoon. Kind of a bummer because I am READYYY to get a job, but I can wait two more days, I guess. I spent most of the morning babysitting my cousin while my uncle and his wife went to the doctor (she is pregnant, about to pop any day now). The girls are coming back from their mom's today and will be here for the week. Not sure yet whether I am ready for that or not- Maddie is quite the talker. But I've missed them and it'll be good to have someone besides me and Jason in the house. Plus they'll be at school for most of the day anyways.
I'm excited to see what happens this week, and crossing my fingers for this job. I'm so ready to meet people! I have the most terrible spending habits of anyone I know. Growing up poor, when I finally had some money in my hands- I couldn't wait to spend it. And that has stuck with me. I find that I literally waste my money away on things like food, alcohol, random outings and shopping trips, etc. And before I know it, I'm broke again. As soon as I have my job, I am going to keep a lock box at my Gram's house. All of my paychecks will go into that box and she will keep watch over it. Unlike my mother, my Gram can be trusted not to take money from me. So I'm hoping that within just a couple of months, I will have my own car. And I hope this will teach me a real lesson about saving and focusing on what's important. I have a little over $300 in my bank account now, and I plan to keep that there to use as my spending money, phone bill money, etc. But right now I don't even need spending money because I have no friends or social life... Yeah, that has GOT to change. And quickly!
Below is a photo of my Good Things jar. I can't wait to fill it up!!!
Today is where your book begins. Make it a good introduction!!!!
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